What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
