I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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