I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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