know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
