just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
