This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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