So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize