Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
