i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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