i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
