I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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