life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
