drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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