We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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