Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
