Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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