im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
