from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
