Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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