My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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