I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
