Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
