Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
