Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
