WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
