mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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