I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this just has baby written all over it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dicks are not precious.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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