saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
