im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Boobs speak an international language.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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