Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
