How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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