I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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