I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize