1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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