For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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