yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
