I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize