i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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