Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
