That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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