I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
