There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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