she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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