Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
