one two three fourrrrnication!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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