I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
