I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
