Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
