i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
