My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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