She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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