My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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