there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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