i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are we still banned from the library?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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