the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
