I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize