Plan B is the new Plan A
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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