She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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