1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
