I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
