Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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