the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
