Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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