You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize