where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
