Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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