I'm going to jail i love you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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